英语写作修改:The Benefits and Ill Effects of Cell Phones - 手机的利与弊

原文:

Cell phones have become increasingly popular in China. wherever you go you can see people using cell phones. many college students, even high school students, have cell phones.

修改:

Cell phones have become increasingly popular in China. Nowadays, wherever you go, you see people using their mobile phones。Many college students, even high school students, now carry cell phones.

说明:

Have become指明已经发生、继续发生,所以没有必要在同一句里再写these days。下一句为了节奏的关系,用nowadays。Cell phones  > mobile phones,have > carry,词汇变化,增强可读性。

原文:

Cell phones have brought people a lot of benefits, but the most important is that they are convenient. with cell phones in their hands, they can keep in touch with anybody they want. if they want to get some information from the internet, they can easily have their dream realized via cell phones too. furthermore, if someone has a heart attack or a traffic accident, a call to emergency hospital or to the police can quickly bring him the help he wants.

修改:

Mobile phones bring people many benefits, the most important of which is evidently convenience. With cell phones in their hands, people can stay in touch with their friends and contacts. When in need of some information, they can go online easily and get what they’re looking for. Furthermore, if someone finds himself in an emergency, such as a heart attack or traffic accident, a call to hospital or police can quickly bring over the help that he needs.

说明:

A lot,口语。But the important is…,这里文意没有转折,只是继续,不用but。With anybody they want,不确,只是那些有手机的人。不过就是上网找点儿信息,have their dream realized,太大。

原文:

However, cell phones can also bring people problems. the most serious is the electric wave radiation which is thought to be harmful to users' brains. another problem is that when people are having a meeting or having a class or at a concert etc, the ring of the cell phone may interrupt others. so i think people should use cellphones as little as possible and turn them off when they are attending important meetings or attending classes.

修改:

However, cell phones also cause problems. The most serious issue is electric radiation, which is thought to be harmful to users’ brains. Another problem is the disturbance caused by untimely phone rings, which often interrupt meetings, classes, concerts, etc. In view of such undesirable events, people should use their cell phones as little as possible and should turn off their phones when needed.

说明:

Electric wave radiation, electric radiation。So I think,作文里太多这类套话。Etc.前用逗号。The ring of the cell phone may interrupt - interrupt a speech, etc.; irritate or annoy people。Meetings and classes前面已经提到,最后一句不要重复。