英语写作修改:Living in the Virtual World - 生活在虚拟世界

原文:

We have to admit that the impact of technology on society is unquestionable。 Whether considering the TV or the computers, technology has had a huge impact on society。 While not every advance has been beneficial, there have been many positive effects of technology。 The internet is one typical example。

修改:

The impact of technology on society is undeniable. Be it TV or computers, technology has strongly influenced society. While not every advance is beneficial, technology has affected society in many positive ways. The internet is such an example.

说明:

当你承认某事,也就不再质疑,所以we have to admit that it’s unquestionable重复、啰嗦。另,Unquestionable和undeniable语义也还不大一样,后者在这里更准确,你可以质疑科技影响的好坏,但不能否认科技影响很大。用西式句号。

原文:

With the development of science and technology, the world is no longer what it used to be。 But the ability of communication is a significant skill which should be cultivated if we want to survive and succeed in the world。 But the way of communication with people has changed dramatically。 Almost everyone today has a computer, and uses it to communicate with their friends, family, and even business。 The virtual world communication has changed the way that people communicate。

修改:

As science and technology develop, the world is no longer what it used to be, and ways of communication among people have certainly changed. Nowadays almost everyone has a computer, and people their computers to connect to friends, family, and businesses. The viritual world has changed the ways in which people communicate. Living in this new world, we should cultivate new skills in communication to survive and succeed.

说明:

段落意思递进不清,but又but,转圈有几何。重新组织,先说社会变了,再说交流方式变了,然后讲人们需改进交流技术。The virtual world communication has changed the way that people communicate – communication,交流改变了交流。

原文:

Since communication between people in the real world is of utmost importance, lack of communication will lead to perish of human beings。 Through communication in the real world, mutual understanding can be promoted and fostered between people, which cannot be replaced by the virtual communication。

修改:

Communication is of upmost importance to human beings, and lack of communication will lead to the demise of human society. Technological progress has offered us new ways to foster and promote mutual understanding, but contact and exchange of ideas in the real world remains critically important, which cannot be replaced by virtual communication.

说明:

重新组织段落。Through communication in the real world, mutual understanding can be promoted and fostered between people,被动句式,改成主动。Perish,动词。Old society perished forever。Perish the thought!

总评:

此文言不及义,说是讨论虚拟世界里的生活,但只是讲到通过互联网勾搭。内容差评。

(原文来源:新浪教育;修改评论:大家学 djxue.com)