英语写作修改:College Graduates Work as Village Officials - 大学生当村官

原文:

Nowadays, there is a growing tendency that college graduates in mounting numbers choose to work as village officials after graduation. People’s attitudes towards this phenomenon differ sharply. Some hold the positive view while others are against it. From my perspective, I believe that it is a wise choice.

修改:

Recently, an increasing number of college graduates have chosen to work as officials in villages. People’s opinions on this phenomenon differ sharply. Some are supportive while others are against it. In my view, those college grads made a wise decision.

说明:

There is a growing tendency that college graduates in mounting numbers choose to work as village officials after graduation – 重复、啰嗦,growing tendency和 mounting numbers,college graduates和after their graduation。

原文:

The reason why I support them can be listed as follows: on the one hand, college graduates can contribute a lot to the development of the countryside. Firstly, having received formal education and professional training in universities, college graduates can help peasants master advanced technology. Besides, by spreading and introducing new concepts, they can also accelerate the development of rural culture. Consequently, the gap between the city and the countryside can be gradually narrowed.

修改:

My reason to support college grads working are two-fold. On the one hand, college graduates can contribute a great deal to the development of the countryside. Having received advanced education and professional training, these young people can help peasants master advanced technology. By bringing new concepts and information to villages, they can also accelerate the cultural growth in rural areas and thus help narrow the gap between cities and villages.

说明:

用了on the one hand … on the other hand,又用firstly, secondly,太复杂了。

原文:

On the other hand, college graduates themselves can also benefit a lot from being village officials. In the first place, working in rural areas with adverse environmental condition and lower living standard, they are more likely to foster a spirit of hard-working and independence. Moreover, compared with their peers competing for limited positions, those who work as village officials enjoy more opportunities and are more likely to bring their abilities and potential into full play.

修改:

On the other hand, college graduates themselves also benefit from the experience of serving as village officials. Living in villages with their rustic conditions and lower living standards, they’re more likely to foster a spirt of hard work and independence. Moreover, compared to their peers competing for the limited positions in the cities, those who work as village officials enjoy more opportunities and can advance in their careers more quickly.

说明:

A lot,口语。Hard working – hard work。

原文:

Therefore, it is a win-win choice for college graduates to work as village officials and more graduates should be encouraged to work in the countryside.

修改:

In short, it is a win-win choice for college grads to serve as village officials。We should encourage more of them to work in countryside.

说明:

In short,是文章要结束了,therefore别处也常用。To work,to serve,避免重复。

(原文作者:不详;修改评论:大家学 DJXUE.COM)