英语写作修改:Technology and Learning - 科技与学习

原文:

The picture vividly depicts that a teaching is asking a pupil to answer a simple math-related question——what’s two plus two? Unfortunately, the child cannot answer such an easy question without tech help. In fact, the phenomenon conveyed in the picture does not surprise us, because as the science and technology develops, the topic concerning the side effects of technological advancement increasingly arouses people’s attention.

修改:

In the picture, a teacher ask his pupil: What’s two plus two? Unfortunately, the child cannot answer such a simple question without resorting to his calculator. This scene should not surprise us. As science and technology advance, our overdependence on them has become a serious issue that deserves our attention.

说明:

Math-related question,就是math quesiton,而且谁都知道二加二是个算术题,所以不必说。The topic concerning the side effects of technological advancement – 啰嗦,简化。

原文:

Undoubtedly, the drawer of the picture aims at reminding us that we should use technology in a proper way and not be too tech-dependent to solve the simple problem independently. It is well known that thanks to the development of human civilization, many formerly unimaginable things come into reality. But, while enjoying the convenience produced by tech, we must alert its harm. Being over-addicted to technology will cost our health, independence, wisdom,creativity and even our ability to live.

修改:

Clearly, the cartoonist intends to remind us of the need to use technology properly. We should not rely on technology to solve all of our problems. To be sure, the advance of human civilization have brought many formerly unimaginable things into reality. But, as we enjoy the benefits of new technology, we should also be alert to its harm. Overdependence on technology may cost our health, independence, creativity, and even our ability to live on.

说明:

Undoubtedly在这里语气太强。Aims at reminding us that we should – 啰嗦,简化。In a properly way – properly。It is well known that – 没用的词句,显摆。Must alert its harm,must be alert to its harm。Over-addicted不通,addicted本身就是over过分了。

原文:

Weighing the pros and cons of the technology, perhaps the best policy is to apply it properly. At the same time, we must avoid its harmful part. Furthermore, young people should be advised that depending too much on technology is hardly beneficial for them at all and more importantly they are expected to acquire the capacity to think independently. 

修改:

Given the pros and cons of the techonological issue, the best policy seems to be apply technology properly. We must avoid its harmful effects. We should advise our children that depending on technology excessively is hardly beneficial. It is critial that they develop the capacity to think independently.

说明:

Weighing - who weighs? We。Weighing ..., we ...。At the same time在这里无用,前面没说什么并列的事情。Hardly,at all,彼此矛盾。