英语写作修改:The Influence of the Internet on Interpersonal Communication - 互联网对人际交流的影响

原文:

Nowadays, along with the rapid development of internet, a great change appears in the daily life of everyone. We rely upon the internet more than any time before. It even becomes our necessity for communication, especially for young people.

修改:
The internet has greatly changed the daily life of everyone. We’re now dependent upon the internet than any time before. It has become an indispensable tool of communication, especially for the young.

说明:

“Nowadays, along with the rapid development of internet, a great change appears in the daily life of everyone.“ – 啰嗦,简化,省出空间说点儿实在的:The internet has greatly changed the daily life of everyone。”“We rely upon the internet more than any time before” – 这么说好像互联网存在多久了似的,姑妄存之。”It even becomes our necessity”不妥,”It has become a necessity”或者”It has become indispensable tool”。

原文:

Various approaches can be used by us to surf on the internet for interpersonal communication, such as QQ, blog, MSN, email, and the like. It becomes so common to us that we cannot live without internet just as we cannot live without food and water. The influence of it can be reflected in several ways.

修改:

We can use various programs available on the internet for personal communication, such as QQ, blog, MSN, email, and the like. The practice has become so common that we cannot live without the internet just as we cannot live without food and water. The effects of the internet can be seen in several ways.

说明:

Various approaches can be used by us – 被动。Gone are the days when people used MSN。It becomes so common – It代指不清。As we cannot live without food and water – 言过其实。

原文:

First, internet can help us to make more friends because the communication becomes so convenient that we can connect with a friend overseas just in a few seconds. Second, internet may widen the emotional distance between people. We lose patience with the face-to-face contact with one another. A QQ message can replace everything need to be done by close contact. Third, lots of deceptious messages online captivate our eyes and make us feel confused. We lose our basic judgment about who and what can be believed.

修改:

First, with internet, we can make more friends because connect to people, even those overseas, in just a few seconds. Secondly, the internet widens emotional distance among people. With internet, we don’t have as much patience for face-to-face exchanges since what was communicated in person in the old days can now be conveyed with one QQ message. Thirdly, useless or deceptive online messages come to us in great volume, making it difficult for us to decide who and what to believe.

说明:

通常大家说First, Secondly, Thirdly, …,不知道为什么。First, internet can help us to make more friends because the communication becomes so convenient that we can connect with a friend overseas just in a few seconds. – 啰嗦,简化。Close contact语义不清,in person。

原文:

Overall, every coin has its two sides. We must recognize the benefits of internet which bring to us. At the same time, the negative part of it should also be deeply considered. There is still a long way to go to do our best to eliminate the disadvantages of it.

修改:

Every coin has two sides – this is cliché but certainly true. We must recognize both the benefits and the negative effects of the internet. There is still a long way to go to take full advantage of the internet and at the same time eliminate the ills that associate with it.

说明:

既然要表示自己知道一币两面,就不要再拽文说overall。 一币两面是套话,可以声明一下显示自己高明。

(原文作者:未详;修改评论:大家学 DJXUE.COM)