英语写作修改:On Excessive Packaging - 论过度包装

原文:

With the fast development of economy, various productsare full of our lives. However, taking a look around, no one will not noticethat most goods are decorated with many beautiful, attractive but excessivepackaging. This phenomenon should arouse people’s wide concerns.

修改:

With rapid economic development, our life is now filled with manufactured goods. Taking a look around, you‘ll notice that many goods come in excessively fancy packages. This phenomenon deserves our attention.

说明:

可以说our life is full of products而不是products are full of our lives。No one will not notice,费劲。Most goods,不严谨,没数过,不知道是不是超过了半数。Beautiful,attractive but excessive,太长。Arouse people’s wide concern,不这么讲。

原文:

The phenomenon exists for a number of factors. For onething, the majority of people are tending to present the gifts which haveexcessive packaging to their bosses, friends or relatives in festivals. Most ofthem pay more attention to the appearance than the gift itself. For another, inview of people’s vanity, more and more merchants are inclining to put moreemphasis on the appearance than quality to adapt to consumers’ demand. Inaddition, the merchants can get higher profit by excessively packing. Therefore,the merchants take delight in excessive packaging.

修改:

Excessive packaging is due to a number of factors. We Chinese customarily send gifts to our bosses, friends, and relatives, and when we do so, we want our presents look good. Manufacturers and merchants, quite aware of people’s vanity and eager to adapt to consumer’s needs, place more emphasis on the appearance, rather than the quality, of the goods they produce and sell. Naturally, merchants charge more for the excessive packaging and get more profit. 

说明:

For a number of reasons, for one thing, for重复。除非明显必要,不勉强使用for one thing,for another联结词语。消费者送礼要好看,厂商投其所好,就是一件事,有什么one thing,another,说得煞有介事。On festivals不必要,中国人送礼不分时候。Most of them pay more attention to the appearance,不严谨,是大多数人都这样吗,没有统计别乱说,即使你觉得是这样。

原文:

Nevertheless, excessive packaging has brought some badeffects in our life. On the one hand, consumers have to pay for the extra costwhen they buy commodities. And it will increase the burden of consumers. On theother hand, it will disturb the market’s order if all merchants focus on theappearance than the quality of goods. What’s worse, excessive packaging causesthe waste of resources and serious environment pollution.

修改:

The reasons excessive packaging notwithstanding, the practice is wrong. Consumers have to bear the extra cost of the goods they purchase. The focus on appearance also takes producers attention away from the quality of their products. Worst of it all is that excessive packaging waste precious natural resources and pollutes our environment.

说明:

Nevertheless用在这里不合适。又来on one hand,on the other这一套。Disturb market’s order语义不清。Focus on the appearance than the quality不通。

原文:

Thus, some effective actions should be taken to stopexcessive packaging as soon as possible so that we can keep the stabledevelopment of market and protect our earth better.

修改:

Thus, to better stabilize market and protect our planet, we should take effective actions to stop excessive packaging.

翻译:

随着经济的快速发展,各种商品充满了我们的生活。四下一看,你会发现这些商品里很多有花里胡哨的过度包装。这个问题应该引起我们的注意。

造成商品过度包装的因素有几个。中国人喜欢送礼,他们希望自己的礼品好看。厂商对人们的这种虚荣非常了解,他们把注意力放在了商品的外观而不是质量上。当然商家为此提高价格,谋取更多利润。

商品过度包装有其原因,但这一做法是错误的。消费者必须承担额外的费用。厂商关注外观而忽略产品本身。最糟糕的是,过度包装浪费可贵的资源,并且污染环境。

因之,为了更好地稳定市场、保护我们的星球,我们必须采取行动,制止商品的过度包装。

(原文作者:不详;修改、翻译:大家学 DJXUE.COM)