英语写作修改:Low-Carbon Lifestyle - 低碳生活

原文:

Presently, a new lifestyle called low carbon life is spreading every corner of our country. The concepts of low carbon are low energy and no waste. It is such a significant project that I can’t wait to present my ideas on how to promote it.

修改:

Presently, the low-carbon lifestyle is spreading throughout our country. The concept of low-carbon living means energy conservation and the reduction of waste. This is an important cause, and here I’d like to put forward my ideas on how to promote it.

说明:

“new lifestyle called low carbon life”- “lifestyle”与“life”重复;“low-carbon”用作形容词。“concepts of low carbon are low energy and no waste” – “low”重复,用“energy conservation”。“spreading every corner”不通。

原文:

On the first place, a no-car day is supposed to set up every week in our school. Because cars not only cause serious air pollution but also waste energy. On no-car day, neither students nor teachers are allowed to drive to school. Meanwhile, just walk, jump, cycle or run. Use our legs and enjoy the fun.

修改:

First, we should create a no-driving day at our school. Automobiles cause serious air pollution and also waste natural resources. On the no-car day, neither students nor teachers are allowed to drive to school. We can just walk, ride bicycles, or jog if we feel like it. Use our legs and have some fun.

说明:

“On the first place”不通。“no-car”让人以为是“no carbon”,改一下。用“automobiles”与“cars”。“Meanwhile”在这里不通。“jump”不通。“enjoy the fun”,不这么说,“enjoy the exercise”或者“have some fun”。

原文:

On the second place, we had best not use plastic bags any more. No one can stand the “white pollution”. So, it is wise to use bags which can be reused again and again.

修改:

Secondly, we should stop using plastic bags. We all hate the “white pollution”, so we should bring out our reusable bags.

说明:

“On the second place”改为“Secondly”。“We had best not”,“We’d better not”较委婉的建议,这里是明确的建议。

原文:

Finally, one thing that we should keep in mind: every big thing comes from the subtle. Therefore, as students, we ought to turn out the lights the moment we leave, turn off the tap in time, and reuse our textbook and so on.

修改:

Thirdly, since major differences are often found in what appears to be trifle, we should take care of certain details. As students, we should turn out lights the moment we leave a room, turn off the tap in a timely fashion, and reuse our textbooks.

说明:

因为后面还有一段,所以不用“Finally”。“subtle”意为微妙、技巧,不是“小”。“so on” – 不要滥用“so on” and so on。

原文:

All in all, it weighs greatly for all of us to put the low carbon lifestyle into practice. Just set our mind to these: no-car day, no plastic bags, and no waste. Let’s do it now.

修改:

All in all, it rests on all of us to put the low-carbon lifestyle to practice. Let’s begin with setting up a no-car day, rejecting plastic bags, and saving electricity, water and paper whenever we can.

说明:

“weigh”,沉重的压力,用在这里不确。“no-car day”,“no plastic bags”,“no waste”,想想,结构不一致。

翻译:

目前,一个叫做“低碳”的生活方式正在全国各地展开。这个概念指的是节约能约、杜绝浪费。这是个重要的事业,在这里我提几个促进这一事业的建议。

第一,我们应该在学校设立一个“无车日”。在这一天,不管学生还是老师都不能开车到校。我们可以走路,骑车,或者跑步,如果我们喜欢的话。动动腿,也是个乐趣。

第二,我们应该停止使用塑料袋。我们都讨厌“白色污染”,所以我们应该拿出我们的可重复使用的袋子。

第三,大的区别往往存在于细节之中,我们应该做好一些小事,比如离开房间是关灯,及时拧死水龙头,使用旧教科书等。

总之,将低碳生活方式付诸现实取决于我们。从我们做起,设立一个无车日,停止使用塑料袋,极可能的节约水电和纸张。

(原文作者:不详;修改评论:大家学 DJXUE.COM)