英语写作修改:Success - 论成功

原文:

When we talk about those famous people, we all like to know how they succeed. Meanwhile we all admire their personal special virtues which lead them to triumph. And it is obvious that many successful people have some personality characteristics in common. As far as I concerned, I deem that persistence, prudence, confidence and courage are the most important.

修改:

We admire accomplished people, and we all want to know how they succeeded. Clearly some personal virtues and personality traits contributed to their achievements in life. In my view, the most important qualities of successful people are persistence, meticulousness, and courage.

说明:

Famous people不一定是成功者,有人悲惨得很出名。We all want to know We all like to know 更直截了当,就是要知道别人怎么成功,千方百计要打探,不必说什么喜欢知道。Meanwhile 在这里没有意义。Personal special virtues special personal virtues或者就是personal virtues And it is obvious - 一般句子开头不用and之类;前面的句号有此效果。As far as I concerned  > As far as I am concerned

原文:

Firstly, I think persistence should come first before the other three personality characters. As we all know that a person cannot always successfully reach his aim at his first try, there are many barriers waiting for him. Therefore the person will fail many times before he gets his victory. If he doesn't persist in trying again and again and make a breakthrough, thus he will stay still, no progress. He may not move forward or even regress. A person without the personal character of persistence can’t finally succeed in getting his goal.

修改:

First, persistence comes before all other attributes. As we all know, rarely one reaches his goal on his first try. On the road to success there are many obstacles to overcome. The person may fail many times before he succeeds in his endeavor. So, if the person does not persist, he may never be able to make a breakthrough. To be successful, one has to be determined and persist in what he does.

说明:

Firstly, I think persistence should come first before, first 重复,而且也不说comes first beforePersonality characters 不妥,personality characteristics可以。Persist就是try了again and again,说persist in trying again and again,啰嗦。Stand stillstay still

原文:

Secondly, a man who wants to be successful should also own the characteristic of prudence. The inventor of the electric bulb gives a good example for explaining that. It is said that the inventor tried to use thousands kinds of metal to make electric bulb filament in order to find the most suitable metal which can let the lamp light longer and brighter. I suppose that without the very prudential work, the inventor could not triumph in the end. A self- made man should do his jobs with prudence, sometimes even should be careful doing a very trivial thing. Like when those scientists or mathematicians are dealing with a complex matter, if they make a small mistake, the efforts which they made before will be in vain. Accordingly, cautiousness is necessary.

修改:

Secondly, a man who wishes to be successful should have the quality of meticulousness. Take Edison, the inventor of electric bulb for an example. To find the bulb filament that lasts the longest and is the brightest, Edison experimented with thousands of materials. Without such patience and meticulousness, the inventor could not have succeeded. This story tells us that in order to achieve something great, we must be willing to deal with what seems to be trivial. Scientists and mathematicians work on very complex matters. If they make a small mistake, all their efforts would be in vain. Clear, exactitude is needed for success.

说明:

Prudence的意思是小心,用在这里错了。作者想说的是the ability to take care of details, meticulousnessSelf-make man是成功人士的一种,但与成功者不是同义词。上了大学,进了研究院,成了伟大科学家,这也不是英文意义里的self-made,得是没上学,然后就发达了,类似那样的The efforts which they madethe efforts that they made。Cautiousness,如上所述,意为谨慎小心,跟细致有关系,但是两回事。

原文:

In addition, the self- made men all are self-confident and courageous. As the saying goes, fortune never helps the man whose courage has failed. Supposed that a soldier loses his confidence and gallantry to fight when he is in the field of the battle, I am sure that he does not have the fortune to survive successfully. Therefore people who want to achieve their goals in their work all should be self-confident and courageous.

修改:

Thirdly, people who desire to accomplish in life should be confident and courageous. As the saying goes, “Fortune never helps the man whose courage has failed.” A soldier who has lost his fortitude in battle is unlikely to win and very likely to perish. Similarly, those of us who try to succeed in daily life should be self-confident and guts.

说明:

In addition,既然前面说了第一第二,这里应说第三。In the field of battle,啰嗦,in battlefieldin battleSurvive successfully,啰嗦,survival is success,活下来就是成功,没有成功地活下来这回事。

原文:

In a word, my view regarding those famous peoples success is that they persist in working hard, do their jobs with prudence, are confident in themselves and have courage to overcome any kinds of difficulties; it is the reason that they can make themselves into a celebrity and admired by others.

修改:

In short, accomplished people succeeded in life because they persist in hard work, do their job meticulously, and are courageous and confident in the face of difficulties. These are the keys to their achievements and the reasons for our admiration of them.

说明:明明许多字,没必要说in a wordmy view regarding those famous peoples success is that,可以,太僵硬,in my view, those famous people succeeded becauseMake themselves a celebrity,复数?另外,现在所说的celebrities通常都是没有内涵的娱乐人物,比如Kardashians。现在说一个有内涵的人是celebrity,迹近骂人。濮存昕年轻的时候,你叫他小鲜肉,不好。唐国强年轻的时候被叫作奶油小生,玩儿完了,后来演了些历史人物,又活过来了,就去给蓝翔技校做广告,又成了celebrity。

(原文作者:不详。修改评论:DJXUE.COM)